Flight attendants and pilots, what NSFW things occur during your jobs? (r/AskReddit)
What Raunchy Things Happened On Airplanes
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our /oscar edit flight attendants and pilots what NSFW things occur during your jobs NSFW not a pilot of fa but i fly between 100 150 flights a year one time I was flying out off a small Midwest Airport to Dallas I roll up to the airport restaurant bar to get a bite and a drink before takeoff I noticed this lady sitting by herself at the bar a gentleman approaches her they seem to be hitting it off flirting laughing etc time comes to board the plane and since this was on Southwest Airlines it was pick your own seat naturally they sit next to each other I am a few rows behind them flirting leads to touching and then kissing you can see that hands are wandering everywhere by this point I am NOT the only casual observer about three or four other guys are looking and laughing we all bond over there public display it escalates to a point where she gets up to go to the bathroom about 30-40 seconds later he follows apparently they thought that was enough time to be inconspicuous as he approaches the bathroom she is already in a flight attendant stands in front of him and says no back to your seat she knocks on the door and tells the lady to get back to her seat all the observers are laughing at this point the flight continues and she is practically mounted on him doing everything they could possibly do while keeping clothes on this continues until we land an Aldi plane she quickly hurries off the plane he is a few steps behind her but she seems to be in a hurry the other observers and I are talking about it and laughing as we exit the secured area into the baggage claim area then we see her still several steps ahead of the guy and she runs into the arms of her boyfriend and starts kissing him her flight guy just stops dead in his tracks takes a couple seconds to observe and then just leaves I haven't laughed so hard in public with people I had never met prior to war since everyone is telling once-in-a-lifetime type stories but the most common NSFW thing that happens airplanes as dudes falling asleep and getting noticeable boners I was that guy once woke up with a blanket and when I thank the steel T told me why I got the blanket my flight director found a bag that was moving at the overhead bin it turns out it was a young girl in a bag out of port-au-prince Haiti it was a Rex slave hatin girl being sent to Canada edit the security in the police were called she was heavily drugged no one knows who put her up there I hope she is okay now as a flight engineer in the AF flying out of an island in the Pacific a sailor had fallen overboard and drowned the Navy recovered his body a few days later since this is downrange only a body bag is available not a transport casket before takeoff the load master comes to the cockpit screaming yelling and babbling he says the body in the bag is wiggling turns out heels have entered his body via his mouth and are wiggling within his body and causing the movement just a plain passenger but this happened on my last flight about halfway through the pilot comes over the intercom and says please come out of the bathroom smoking in an airplane is illegal naturally this gets the whole plane on edge turns out it was an old woman who was completely naked and vaping in the bathroom while refusing to come out they eventually had to break into the bathroom and take her out which then caused the woman to try and fight the flight attendants she was arrested as soon as we landed obligatory not me but a friend of mine disclaimer I have a female friend who flies transatlantic as a flight attendant she told me a story of how one of the passengers had been in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes being a busy flight people were pissed off and complained to her that he had been in there for a long time she went to the door knocked a couple of times with no response obviously being concerned for this passenger safety the doors were opened inside was a guy on tile 't trousers around ankles headphones in his phone with one playing and flax and feet in hand bro fell asleep while whacking it in an airplane toilet embarrassment ensued my wife and I bought last-minute tickets to a family and could not get seats next to each other once we bought it I convinced the guy sitting next to my wife to switch seats with me nice guy takes my assigned seat which was next to a woman who was apparently suffering from the flu five minutes after takeoff she projectile vomits we've tried to use a pillow to cover her mouth which just made the vomit spray out sideways all over the poor guy he just sits there for a moment frozen in the slowly turns back to look at me with this face that said you did this to me and I will forever hate you for it I offered to buy him a drink but he ignored me it was a six hour flight a couple of our boys were on the return leg of an offshore crew change 15 minutes out from the deck they catch movement in the back one of the passengers has unbuckled his harness and is getting up out of his seat big no on a helicopter but before they can do or say anything the guy grabs an airsick bag drops his Dax positions the bag under his bum and let's rip the bag lasted maybe three seconds explosive does not do this bout of diarrhea justice volcanic might not if I hadn't seen the photos I wouldn't have believed it it coated the floor his seat the seats beside it in the poor sods in them splashed the windows and ceiling and row of seats behind it's everywhere and the smell the real kicker is that even though they're only 15 minutes from the rig they couldn't go back if they did the chopper would be stuck on the deck until it could be decontaminated by a cleaning crew there's only one deck so we'd have to send a second helicopter out to winch down said cleaning crew a dangerous and expensive operation meanwhile everyone due to come off swing and the next few days would be stuck on the rig until we did while there wouldn't be enough beds in the town for the incoming crews and the nature of the rig is such that it can't fully operate while there is a chopper on deck literally millions of dollars in loss production one dude with a rumbly tummy he didn't tell the rape medic about because he was just that keen to get home and several hundred people are potentially right up at Creek so they take one for the team and push on tell the culprit to sit back down and put his harness back on and pray for a tailwind two hours flying back to base it's Australia tropical and summer and commercial helicopters don't have great air can the smell gets worse and worse and it's not helped when some of the guys have to use the sick bags for their intended purpose by the end of the flight the pilots are all but flying with their heads out of the cockpit windows just a breath and have given serious consideration to landing as soon as they were over the mainland or any land when they finally got in it was approaching swamps of Dagobah level stank never had a disembark that fast and you'd better believe the pilots did shut down in record there was the cue for hoses when the engineers started to do a damage assessment it was even worse that it was runny and grainy and found its way into every crack and crevice and bolt hole the seats nearest to the guy were literally soaked in it and puke and it was in the life vests and cabin raft there was even splash in the cockpit everywhere we had to fly in a specialist cleaning crew the kind that normally does crime scenes and fully strip and dismantle the cabin down to their fuselage in the end the guys seats in the seat of the guide to his right were so saturated so caked and stained and soaked with his advantium off tens of thousands for replacements plus more in maintenance and lost flying time the guy in that second seat sat there coated head to toe in his seat mud sit the entire flight without moving or saying a single word survey pilot here sometimes when I'm flying back and forth for five hours straight I need to piss in a bottle one of my co-workers had his except out of the bottle while he was going full-bore and he pissed all over the instrument panel you should have heard his desperation on the radio a couple weeks later for our be monthly rotation a new guy took his claim and we didn't tell him that Greg pissed all over it like a moron ducting Greg I was on a flight once and when we got to cruising altitude the pilot came on and gave us his speech about airspeed and weather at our destination blah blah blah when he was done I guess the mic stayed keyed up because you could hear him talking to the co pilot klein god softly like when someone accidentally bought bowels you you couldn't make out a lot of what he was saying it was mostly beeps and clicks from the cockpit at one point he must have turned toward the mic and said to his co-pilot clear as day man I Shia could go for a cup of coffee and a blow job right about now so everyone on the plane freezes in place and all ambient noise stops as everyone is thinking did he just say so a flight attendant starts to rush up to the front to let the pilot know his mic is still on and she gets about halfway up to the front when someone yells don't forget the coffee I was a flight attendant for six years summer flights to party islands like Ibiza New Yorker and Mykonos could get quite wrong she liked women boarding and fishnets wanking and blowjobs of the back of the aircraft edit by fishnets I don't mean just tights I mean full-body fishnets no bra in the skimpiest phone you can imagine not me but a friend who's a flight attendant who came across this really stubborn male passenger who wanted a sanitary pad that he saw the flight attendant hand over to a female passenger convinced that it was an eye mask thingie you put on before sleeping arguing with her about it she finally gave in and gave the sanitary pad to the guy who cool he removed the ante at he civ and stuck it on his eyes and went to sleep this happened to another pilots at our company we find small planes with no doors between the cockpit and the cabin we usually put our jackets behind our seats a passenger sitting in the front seats could easily grab them without us noticing at the end of one flight he noticed that the passenger on the left front seat was sitting on his jacket very odd but whatever the passengers deplaned and he went to pick up his jacket that's when it hit him the passenger had taken a writ on the seat grabbed the pilots jacket and put it over Viet and sat back down on it it was only a 20-minute flight how badly do you have to go ducking like and subscribe