Everything Wrong With Planes In 15 Minutes Or Less

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This movie is really bad.

Thursday: Action sins.

Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie’s sins should we expose next?!









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if one of the ticular planes showed up right here and bombed this opening logo castle so many sins off alas Disney labeling this as world of cars it's basically them saying hey remember how you love Pixar we know we can't legally call this a Pixar movie but if you squint hard enough you might actually not hate this looping their mouths like this to talk while flying what seriously what their wind resistance and their force beat why are so many natural things in the world of cars shaped like planes or cars I get that rush Waller has giant faces on it but we carved that where's the landmass that looks like an anatomically correct human and how much is land going for on the penis insula can I get a bungalow on one of the nerd islands here a scrotal bay is beautiful this time of year excuse me it's called the wings around the globe rally Luke sky duster here working on a farm dreams of greater destiny it's a protagonist raid I've never seen before in a movie he farts crop dust just because little kids will literally always laugh at a fart joke doesn't mean movies need to keep including them mommy used to spray this movie just had Cedric the Entertainer say the words just like mama he was to spray and I can't decide if it's aware of how gross it's being or if the world has just lost all sense of decency Oh Quinn top listing planes don't have end of work days sirens like some factory or military base there are only two dudes here just keep dusting until your dust tank is empty and you're done what does this Flintstones bull it gives you gas the best thing about that joke is the subtlety now let's talk with some cornrows fridge drop it Jeffy 20 20 of what miles minutes what does this even mean in this context but that's not you you're a crop duster and all you do is just dust crops if they hammered home the dusty wants to race instead of crop dust exposition any harder they'd have to have it on a constantly scrolling news ticker dusty has interacted with three characters in the first five minutes of this movie and all three have mentioned it I'm sitting this movie for not showing me all ten crashes since this is easily the funniest part of the movie so far this discount mater holding that book with his freaky gas pump nozzle arm because the biggest sin in this entire universe is how anyone does anything without opposable thumbs he's an old crank my buddy Sparky says the skipper was a legend a flight instructor in the Navy crisis this movie literally cars with planes I somehow thought Disney was slightly less lazy than that you're not a truck so I was wondering if you would train me is that a pun iswhat are the Wright brothers I can't even tell when this movie's trying to make a joke and now I have to think about airports in a world where planes are sentient two airplanes have homes wouldn't they have a way to take off and land at their homes they all live at the airports and only take off and land from there why would there be cars in the parking lot I would airport's up parking lots at all I don't know how you talked me into coming to this me either since we just skipped right over that scene so ladies our ladies in this world but men are planes why wouldn't they just use gentlemen are they're humans in this universe I thought we were anthropomorphizing here this is the third competitor rewatch do this course and it's not getting any more interesting with each one I feel like I fell asleep watching hockey and I woke up at 3 a.m. to the National cornhole championships this race announcer becomes completely unprofessional and starts making fun of a participant because God forbid we go a full five minutes without being reminded that he's not supposed to be a racing plane like this is like Joe Buck mocking Tim Tebow for being in the NFL hey Timmy try another go fast ha ha with a prop that small we've got dick size jokes y'all hey why the plains race steeplechase style rather than Kentucky Derby style man that was kind of long for a pixar short but at least it's over now what this is a feature film this forklift guy that is not the Ferrari guy from the first Cars movie and who says nothing kind of sucks on the map yeah pretty Drive though wait it oh yeah yeah especially if you like looking at dirt and corn how would you know you made the trip in the back of a windowless delivery truck finest smelling compost this side of the Mississippi original creamy and chalky style his character is gross and he should feel gross he only exists to make things gross saying out you're in congratulations so we've got a full three minutes for the hole we thought you had qualified but the person who beat you cheated cliche isn't the point to let us see how the loser handles the loss make peace with it and gross why even do it if you're just gonna reverse it that fast with no character work you just ain't built for it you're a crop duster we're inching dangerously close to bonus round material here one more person tells him he's a crop duster not a racer I swear I'm shutting this whole thing down I flown thousands of miles and I've never been anywhere these map makers labeled every continent except Antarctica and Europe I get not labeling Earth's ice hole but Europe is this about brexit I feel like maybe this is about brexit Oh 500 tomorrow don't be late I guess he changed his mind cuz reasons it was just a mighty clean optics there what do you use some kind of shoe oh no it's a special microfiber cloth me it's time for this this goes on for some time boring and unfunny filler dialogue is boring and unfunny just pick one honestly don't even care anymore it ain't not fast you fly you fly fast that doesn't make sense this is the wherever you go there you are of airplane advice hold on just a second there what make skipper the expert on racing he was a war plane right combat fighting is a totally different skill set than racing right it's so long strong good time I don't ski I'm afraid of heights goddammit we did increase power or we can decrease drags oh come on boobie what are you saying here that is crop-dusting parts or his genitals is that what this is the cars don't get scared about replacing their tires oh you just wanted to make a joke without considering the actual implications swim welcome to the reckoning asshole and your vaguely off-color puns can suck my cockpit an ADEA broke Oh does Kennedy approach have to be a bad JFK impression are the kids laughing about that can someone explain skyscrapers in this world to me to the vehicles work there live there I'm not saying cars couldn't use multi level buildings but I am saying if they did they would be much wider with much different window ratios than these oh yeah that's easy don't try to fool me with the Ratzenberger cameo Disney I can tell this isn't a Pixar movie by the complete lack of care taken in every single area of its production also can someone tell me why this plane has emergency exits and windows what the hell is this nightmare world nice to meet you too look at that propeller you mean her ass Christ Disney how did this get made that's what the giant speakers he's getting a massage did he earlier do a rock concert I don't see any instruments or microphones so why are the speakers still here did you sell chupacabra Oh el cuckoo cabron you had to go and drive John Cleese into this didn't you many of these long-distance Rawlings yes if the main event is a long-distance race why did you do a short speed course to pick the finalists this is like making the runners in the Olympics do the hundred yard dash and then the five fastest runners do a marathon oh you think you can help me set up a website just a gigabyte well not if you pet him nicely I hate you don't let anything distract you this movie is all about the ass all these plans are fired up and none of them have chocks holding them in place my question is why aren't the propeller is propelling this is podracing our first stage is a whopper a dead sprint across the North Atlantic I'm no talking plane expert but I'm pretty sure a crop-dusting plane doesn't have room for near enough gas required to fly from New York City to Iceland no one will be seated during the plane flying through different conditions from a distance montage I'd give good money if the abominable snowman appeared right now an ATM this sign offers directions to baggage claim and ground transportation and if that doesn't put your head in a world where the baggage is already inside of you and you are the ground transportation then I don't know we are even doing here anymore that's well racist why don't you go play upset every time the plane just get a stiffy I think that plane just got a stiffy skill and speed we all know we're nice guys finish well after talking box office about four times what Kiss Kiss Bang Bang made but way short of Iron Man 3's all wait was this not a shame black specific question what of only six flying cats ever been built bill damn it movie these cars are built Flynn by who for what purpose Indy yeah I am in charge you are in fact not in the air movie steals everything from the first Cars movie right down to this flip over the top passing move that will be used later to win the big race apparently just he didn't even need live-action as an excuse to bastardize its own content the movie scored Bruce Almighty moon seemed to be indicating I should be emotional right now it's bull word an emotion because maybe it's working that would they be Bayard flying through such a teeny tiny space for so long and this is being played as hilarious persistence the movie is probably gonna have them end up together but in the real world ninety-nine percent of the women who turned you down are not hoping that you'll just keep asking like an incessant dickhole they fly off for a bit of boring romance but they would 100% save their strength and energy for tomorrow's next leg of the race imagine a Tour de France but after one stage ends one evening a couple of the competitors are like hey let's ride to Paris for a nightcap so the seagulls in this movie are Foam airplanes and there's thousands of them they don't have eyes they don't look sentient through them how is this legal don't most races have a required route look there's one thing I know you should always get permission before entering new tunnels why are all the media people at this stage also Nepalese residents is there not a press corps traveling to each leg to cover the race or at each leg to hire a local team of Union approved camera people and grips my current reigning champ ripslinger is just seconds by this movie is 63% fake SportsCenter segments ironically enough actual SportsCenter is also now 63 percent fake SportsCenter segments this is an electronic store then everyone's just didn't here watching race coverage on a TV and no one is shopping or buying or selling or even asking these freeloaders to leave this flu Tube video of an auto-tuned dusty crophopper racing has over 4 million views and that's some colossal bull also the name of the channel here indicates it was done by flash mixtapes but below it suggests more from flashy mixtapes is it flash or flashy movie make up your mind new ones coming out in two weeks new one will cost money and this one you just broke was presumably already paid for we're going hmm I swear this movie just exists to make it seem like the cars movies are better than you remember they aren't and yet this movie is somehow 3,000 percent worse than them yes even cars too and yet in just a few minutes he'll sing it smoother and your love will bloom because the lesson we are apparently supposed to learn is that no actually means try harder thanks movies yep not too bad for a farm boy why did they hire Dane Cook and ask him to do an Owen Wilson impression these racing planes are about to fly from China to goddamn Mexico on one tank of fuel listen some movies go too far with the fuel at last Jedi I'm looking in your direction but some movies need to go further with the fuel these racers will need to follow their GPS antennas because there's a big ocean obvious expositional antenna shadowing narration is expositional and narration and obvious listen crophopper follow us to the phone actually he may be fine though since his antenna has magically reappeared oh never mind it's gone again the boat before today I wasn't sure a pun could make me physically violent but both I and my now smashed computer monitor have learned the truth hey what is that that's the Jolly wrenches wall of things we hang it right here for whenever we need some convenient backstory revelations for a random stranger we had no idea would be here not to be prepared right got beachwear dinnerware underwear why does a gas truck have any where or even a suitcase their cars and planes and forklifts but they're not wearing clothes it's true I only flew one mission this is why I was supposed to feel something earlier perhaps you should have given me this info before trying to pull my heartstrings you know the old saying don't put the plot before the horse or something we're gonna miss him huh excuse me let's just hope he makes a better boat than a plane those boom mics would almost certainly still be recording him say this and since this is plain old murder you think he might be a little more careful broken wing ribs twisted gear and race wise he didn't complete the state later they're gonna yadda yadda an official tampering ruling on this but it's still bullshit so much for Volo pro Veritas he just crashed into the ocean because he's too scared to fly higher than a thousand feet and found out he's so injured he can't keep racing and his first thought is still to be angry at the krusty coach for lying about his missions there's no way this became this in the time it took to break through the clouds why is every single one of these ships already firing and how would you not have seen any of those tracers come through the clouds I wouldn't trust a word skipper says because this whole story is bull my whole squadron this movie has 100% not earned the right to try and turn itself into Saving Private flying but here we are you're not a crop duster you're a racer and I'm not a cab driver I'm a coffeepot all right good egg dusty it's been so long since John Cleese has been in this movie that I convinced myself I'd imagined it dammit there's wrong control valve for you they wanted this It's a Wonderful Life ending so bad they introduced an Irish plane a Brazilian plane and I'm gonna say an Italian plane that we have literally never met before I wonder if the Brazilian plane flies its routes without a landing strip can you fix me does a pt6a have a multi-stage compressor oh just say yes dotty so you're ready to go skip probably best if I don't wire what he really means is probably best if I pretend like I'm not going but then show up at the last minute finally flying again to save the day and help him win the race I can still smell the farm on you how 90% of his parts are brand new we are going to end this once and for all oh thank god oh crap you didn't mean the movie did you I've never seen someone come back from this far behind except at every sports movie ever if they can circle back but still catch up to dusty this easily doesn't that suggest they could just win the race by going peddle of the metal and ignoring dusty completely doesn't this mean they have faster planes this feels pretty climaxing but it's also clear to the Grand Canyon and there's a lot of ground to cover between the Grand Canyon in New York City just yadda yadda I'd like five whole states spooby was just taking place in the Grand Canyon so he has a fear of heights all movie all race long he raced slow but now moments from coming in second he flies up higher into the atmosphere fearless leap he's brave even so was winning more important to him all along than surviving was flying higher our only taboo for him because he wasn't in a race hi there he never wanted to win before now where his fear of heights wasn't real all along Te'o is like Chekov still wins but none of the other planes are afraid of heights and certainly these trained racers are aware of the concept of tailwind so why is no one else already flying up here if it's a climactic race in a movie if 100 percent has to come down to a photo finish oh it's hilarious I learned a lot more from you than you ever learn from me cliche I get that these vehicles are supposed to be celebrating but the gyrations look more like aargh Azam's to me seriously it's like some seen from trunks wide shut down there this awful piece of movie has 9 minutes of credits comedy or for the people that came up with a stalker predator Spanish plane that hits on the female over and over until she relents I just I figured with my guts and your glory you Derek you can't come barking threats at me you know they shot Old Yeller at the end you twits okay what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this thanks daddy it's a lot of things about me you don't know anything about that e things you wouldn't understand things you couldn't understand things you shouldn't understand

35 thoughts on “Everything Wrong With Planes In 15 Minutes Or Less”

  1. Skipper is based off of a vaught corsair,which was designed to have strong armor and strong armament, not speed.

    So yes,he is hypocritical for getting on him for being too slow.

  2. Another thing wrong with this movie: (also Im an aviation nerd) the higher he fly's the faster he will go so why the f*ck is he flying that low and also it's SUPER dangerous to fly that close to water. The propellor could suck in water. Edit: and ALSO planes need a pushback tug in order to move around without there propellers moving.

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